Friday, November 30, 2007
On the eve evening of result being released, I entered our University’s web page. I saw an unread email in the inbox. As I read it, it was the assignment marks for my International business Strategy. This is the first time in history that I’ve ever entered the exam hall without knowing the internal marks. Thank God I passed the internal with more than pass.
Now onto the overall… I entered the exam results webpage. As I glance thru. I noticed and ‘N’ immediately, my heartbeat stopped. (In Monash ‘N’ means fail) I highlighted the ‘N’ and pull it over to see which unit it was. It was International Business strategy. “I would compromise the markings and the exam marks” the voice of the lecturer came ringing to my mind. I was shocked. I was unable to move. With my parents in the room. I didn’t know how to react! Swiftly my mom came over. “So, how was it?”
“Gulp! One down the drain” faintly I answered. Dad was watching TV. He just continue watching while Mom just walk away shaking her head. All I could do was get out of the room silently.
At that moment, I thought to myself, “What a failure you are?” After the hurdle of passing all my units during semester 1. Now, I’m back to square 1. Sigh! Sigh! I feel that I’m living in nightmare that can never be awakened. It’s miserable. Studies seem so easy and yet so hard. It’s dreading.
I thought this year; I’ll be able to go through it safe and sound, seems not. I still have to face the challenge of redeeming my own dignity. In life, once you’ve gotten good results, you are not allowed to drop even once. People place high hopes in you. People anticipate good results from you more.
Humans are amazingly weird. When you are at your peak, or success, what ever you say, sees to be agreeable. However, when you are a failure, whatever you do is wrong, the way you walk is wrong, the way you talk is wrong, whatever you say is wrong even if whatever you say is right. This is how realistic the world is.
Sometimes I wonder. Why is it that study seems so easy for some and so hard for the rest? I have to admit life in Business course is much more relaxing than that of Science and engineering. BUT… We have our hard times. Have I put in my 100%? How do you define 100%? Sitting in front of the book 24/7? Not leaving the rooms for a month until the exam day? Even not going to church?!
I personally do think that all that does not measure up to 100%. Going to church is a time where 3-4 hours a week we specially devote it to God. We are humans! We need to rest! I don’t believe that giving up the 3 -4 Hours to go to church will cost me an ‘N’. Well, when u fail, you juts lose the right to voice. You don’t even have a chance to voice. To think of it, I don’t think I want to even voice.
I’m ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed for my family. I’m ashamed for Christ my Lord. I don’t what I could do now. Only time will lead.
Along the journey, i sometimes do lead myself to think... Is it because sometimes, God disappears in my life as i enter comfort zone. Therefore i need to be fling up and down to be in faith. But yet, God is Good~ I'm just so tired now. So tired i feel i could just sleep through my day~
As i browse through the picture for this particular blog. I came across a picture that depict a man in failure. with a quote that says, perhaps your best isn't good enough. I think thats the best reason to answer myself for now...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
27 November was a date, when a good friend of mine was born. I have to admit.. I have poor memory.. but to certain limit.. I can still remember important dates… very limited… and only certain dates... trust me… through this date as well, we got the opportunity to get around together…
Anyways, Sze’s bday was great… It was a fun night out. A night where, I won’t mind going thru again… The dining, the eating of ice-cream, the chatting, the catch-up and all the laughter and smiles… very fattening... Yes.. But worth it~ Well, this post is dedicated to Sze… Hope you like the photos…
Friday, November 9, 2007
Having ended my papers on Wednesday is indeed a relief of my shoulders. The stress is gone… the only worry now is the ‘Judgement Day’… A.K.A. ‘D-Day’ I so hope it’ll turn out good… ONLY then will i be able to enjoy the remainder of my holidays... Well, there’s nothing much I can do now, Can i?… All that can be done has been done… All that’s left is waiting… This has led me to want to say a simple prayer... which I really like a lot… It helps and it really mean from the bottom of my heart… Just thought perhaps I could share it with you guys…
Please grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
In Jesus Name I pray~
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Finally, I am back on blog after a disastrous month of being a bloodsucker... in terms of just reading others blog rather than producing any work of my own. Hehehe… Actually, the thoughts didn’t stop, the pondering never did stop… It’s just that I didn’t have the time, or the motivation to put it onto the Blog…
I am back on track thanks to a friend who recently posted a comment on one of my blog… It made me realize that someone is actually reading. Hahaha… It then struck me that I owe a duty to my reader… ehem… Proud of it... hahaha… :P
And being the last day of my exam paper… I am now free from exam temporarily… Have to dread about 30th November, the judgment day for all Monashians… I truly pray that all that I have put in would be sufficient… Well, all I can say is… if I pass, I praise the Lord~ If I fail… I still praise the Lord… For that is what I have labored... It’s my own fruit that I need to harvest.
Having no need to take any summer unit this year, I am thankful to the Lord! For I am going to Japan in Dec for the Youth Exchange Program. I truly hope I am able to pass all the units well and enjoy my trip to Japan. Then, I’ll be able to enjoy my holidays till uni re-open where life starts to get busy again.
So much so for my sleep… look forward to post more posts… hopefully in near future, more about my trips here and there… and thoughts that surround me… Have a great time reading…